Are you currently in a loving monogamous relationship that has lost the romance? If you are, then first take a moment to decide what is needed to put the spark back into the relationship. Of course your romantic crusade will only succeed if you and your partner are on the same page, so let him know how you feel and find out how he feels. If communication is good between the two of you, rekindling the romance will be easy. On the other hand, if getting his attention is like pulling teeth or if you feel totally clueless when it comes to addressing your romantic needs, I suggest you follow or tweak these four very basic steps:
1. Don't Procrastinate, Communicate: As I indicated in my introduction, good communication should always be at the top of the list. Don't play mind games with your partner. Let him know how you feel. If communication is a problem in your relationship, timing and word choice is going to be key. However, you shouldn't make the mistake of assuming good communication is simply using the right words at the right time - it's a lot more than that. Make him the focus of your attention will you are talking to him, don't allow yourself to be distracted by anything going on around you. Try using soothing and relaxing gestures like gently stroking his back or his arm while you talk to him. If possible, choose a room with good ambiance and a soft sensual aroma (scented candles, soft music and dimmed lights always work well). Make yourself look 'good' from head to toe (at the very least, presentable). It's not always necessary to dress provocatively; your sexiness will automatically shine through if you set the right mood (remember, we are simply talking romance here, nothing else). Paying attention to all these little details will make him more receptive to what you have to say - it is imperative that you set the right mood if you want to get his undivided attention. Once you have done that, he will be ready to soak up everything you have to say. Tell him how you feel the relationship could be spiced up but don't overload him with too much detail; most men switch off when it comes to a lot of details. Find out what he finds romantic. Once you are both in agreement on how to put the romance back into the relationship, you can move on to the next step.
2. Set a Date, Mark your Calendar: Schedule your 'romantic' date and make it a regular event. You may decide on a certain time every day, every week or once a month, whatever works for the two of you. The key will be sticking to it. Mark it on your calendar if you have a hectic schedule or if you think you may forget. If you are married with children you will definitely need to mark it on your calendar. Get a babysitter if necessary (don't take the kids)!
3. Going on Your Romantic Date: Dress to impress. Keep the conversation positive, enlightening, stimulating and humorous - no serious or depressing stuff, save those topics for another occasion. Laugh, have fun, marvel in each others company! Allow yourself to revisit those feelings of excitement you experienced when you first started dating.
4. Maintaining the Romance: Now that you've rekindled the romance, don't lose it! Fill the days before and after the big date with walks in the park (make sure you hold hands throughout the walk); exchange hand-written notes expressing your love, gratitude and/or appreciation of each other (one sentence is fine); dim the lights at dinner every once-in-a-while (or use candles); cuddle up together on the sofa and share your thoughts & dreams for the future, enjoy a movie together... the list is endless. The basic message is to keep doing the 'simple things' to keep the romance alive. Do them on a regular basis. They will bring enormous pleasure to you and your partner and they don't have to cost you a penny.
Live, Love, Laugh!
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This month's tip from GGW
Gravity changes from friend to foe as soon as you hit 40.
Don't expect any support, 'coz it will leave you hanging every time!
1. Q. What age does a woman start losing her sexual desires?
2. Q. I just found out that men sometimes 'fake it' too, is that true?
GGW. Of course they do honey, especially when their equipment malfunctions.
3. Q. My boyfriend recently confessed that he likes to snort crack but he said it wasn't a drug addiction, it was a sexual fetish. What exactly do you think he's trying to tell me?
GGW. Take a moment to think about it honey, you'll eventually work it out!!!
4. Q. I am 7 months pregnant. Is it safe to still be having sex and if so, what is the safest position?
GGW. Honey, you're 7 months pregnant, don't you think it's a little late to be asking about SAFE SEX!!! I'm just kidding hun. It's safe to have sex as long as (1) you have an uncomplicated pregnancy and (2) your partner doesn't climb on top of you and try to ride you like a wild bull in a rodeo. BUT my best advice is to always check with your ObGyn before you do anything honey.
5. Q. I'm not attracted to my husband anymore. In fact, I know this is an awful thing to say but he actually repulses me. I find myself constantly making excuses just to avoid going to bed at the same time as him. When we find ourselves crawling into bed at the same time, I inevitably tell him I have a headache, an upset stomach, on my period or fall asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow. It's been over six months since we were intimate and I'm running out of excuses. How can I tell him how I really feel without hurting his feelings? What should I say?
GGW. Wow, you've got a long hard one honey. No, don't tell him that, that's what I'm telling you hun. I mean you have a long question and it's a hard one to answer. Mmmm... Why don't you discreetly make a list of all the things that make him undesirable to you. Highlight the ones that you feel are 'fixable' (hopefully most of them will be fixable). Then take a moment to work out a diplomatic way to share your feelings with him. Sorry hun, I can't choose the words for you. When you decide on the right words to use, plan a romantic evening just for the two of you. Dine out or go for a nice long walk or something and when the time is right, lay it on him honey!!! If, on the other hand, there's nothing on your list that is fixable, then your marriage is in serious trouble honey and my best advice would be marriage counseling. Hope that helped hun!
Grannies-Gone-Wild (GGW)
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The information contained in this blog is based on personal experiences, observations, opinions and in some cases personal research. If you have any medical, sexual, marital or emotional concerns please make sure you consult a medical professional or trained counselor.
"Carique"
